Wide Open: My Adventures in Polyamory, Open Marriage, and Loving On My Own Terms by Gracie X
Date of Publication:
September 1, 2015
Blurb
Gracie X
is a modern sexpot feminist. Married to her loving husband, Hank, for 25 years,
their once-vibrant sex life has shriveled to nothing. Meanwhile, she has fallen
in love with another man, Oz, for whom she has an overwhelming physical
yearning. Her candid and provocative memoir, WIDE OPEN reveals—with
humor, integrity and heart—how one woman blended love, sex and marriage in
unconventional ways and found the fulfillment she was looking for.
EXCERPT:
The idea actually wasn't my idea. My pal Sarah came
up with it, and this was the nexus of my shock. Why the hell didn't I think of
it? Was I losing my edge in suburban motherhood? Was I becoming a compliant,
in-the-box thinker? When I heard the idea, I was suddenly struck that I had
swallowed whole all the "rules" regarding marriage.
Several friends and I were attending a women's
spirituality retreat in Mendocino, California, a couple of hours north of
Berkeley. I took my ten-year-old daughter, Tallulah, with me as well; it was
our yearly mother-daughter vacation of four days in the woods. Every year, we
were so excited to go on our vacation that we packed a week early. I started
coming to the camp when Tallulah was four years old. I was drawn there because
the women were committed to themselves, to their evolution and unfolding, no
matter what circumstance they found themselves in.
Mimi, a fashionista who favors orange outfits,
piped up and asked my friend Sarah about her "sexual pursuits." I was
all ears because I knew that Sarah, like myself, had been married for more than
twenty years and had two kids. Was her marriage as sexless as mine? Was she
stepping out on her man? Hank and I felt mismatched sexually almost from the
beginning, which frequently left me wanting more. We hadn't done the deed in a
few months. I wasn't sure what Mimi was getting at, but there was way too
much giddy excitement for her to be talking about Sarah's husband.
"Nothing has
happened yet," Sarah giggled. Then she said that
her husband, Matt, had agreed.
"What are you two talking about?" I
asked, sewing a large hollow pod onto my crown.
Sarah went on to explain matter of factly that she
had asked Matt to open up their marriage. She wanted to have sex with a woman,
which she had never done but had always dreamed of. After a year of careful
discussion and couple counseling he had agreed.
What? Say what?
At that moment the earth shifted and my world was
altered. I literally sat speechless for many minutes, which was a highly rare
state for me. Then my thoughts raced to the forbidden. I immediately started
thinking, yet again, about my former Pilates client, Oz.
Oz, whose friendship I had ended at Hank's request.
Both our spouses asked us not to have contact after they realized how close we
had gotten. He lived a thirty-five-minute walk from my home, and our kids went
to the same charter school near downtown Berkeley—still we attempted complete
avoidance. But after three years of no contact punctuated by chance meetings, I
was still thinking about him.
Our friendship changed my life. At first I couldn't
imagine having much to say to him; Oz was so corporate and stiff. He was nine
years my junior and seemed somewhat full of himself. But then I got to know
him. I was usually the one asking the insightful questions. But he asked me
questions too. His questions were from an engineering brain, pragmatic yet
mystical—if that combination can be imagined. He had a facile, active mind, and
his observations about me were unexpected and searing in their truth.
I felt so memorized, and by such a brilliant
thinker. His conclusions were layered with
kindness. He would shine a light on hidden parts of
me that felt ugly, making them seem like gifts. Our conversations expanded my
world—they felt like we were like taking a first-class voyage through the solar
system, visiting planets, touching stars, taking breathtaking walks on the
Moon. He adored me. To never see him again was equivalent to living in a tomb
after meeting God on a mountaintop.
Later that day, while lying on my bed, I stared at
the wood beams of my cabin roof. My heart was pounding wildly in my chest, my
vulva starting to juice just thinking of Oz and the mere possibility that I
might have sex with him. What a brilliant idea! Why hadn't I
thought of this myself? I'd just ask my husband, Hank, very
nicely, "Honey, would it be okay if I have sex with Oz?" And if he
hesitated, I'd drop to my knees and whine, "Please, oh please.
I'll do all the dishes for a month!"
About Gracie X
Gracie X is a Writer, Director, and Actress. She is the author
of "Wide Open: An Unconventional Love Story" now available wherever
books are sold.
She started a relationship odyssey nearly
a decade ago that inspired her to create an unconventional polyamorous chosen
family. For the past several years the idea that people can authentically
construct their relationships, marriages, and families while meeting the needs
of everyone involved– has cracked her wide open. She can't stop writing,
talking, or thinking about it. Her main message is do it your own way.
"There is so much more spaciousness in our relationships to get our needs
met—and there's not one correct way to do it. There are a spectrum of options
from monogamy to polyamory and all the nuances in between." She encourages
people to create a unique ‘relationship mission statement' and set up their
marriages, poly relationships and families in the way that works best for them.
She has been a principal on "Nash
Bridges", and numerous local TV and commercials. Her short film which she
directed and co-stars premiered in the San Francisco Gay and Lesbian Film
Festival. It has played at "The Outfest" in Los Angeles, Amsterdam,
Germany, Seattle, Orlando, and on San Jose's Public TV channel KTEH. Her plays
have been produced by ‘Brava! For Women in the Arts", The Climate Theater,
Solo Mio, The Chi Chi Club, The Fringe Festival, The Marsh and Josie's Juice
Joint. Gracie X has toured throughout San Francisco, Vancouver and Los Angeles.
A graduate of Bard College, she has worked with Peggy Shaw and Lois Weaver at
the WOW Cafe in New York City.
She currently lives in Northern
California.
Find Gracie X Online
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